


and/or again

by kurgaya



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blank Period, Don't copy to another site, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Fourth Shinobi War, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 16:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18449888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurgaya/pseuds/kurgaya
Summary: “Uh oh,” Kakashi says before he can stop himself. “Am I dying?”“Every few minutes, you forget everything,” Gai says. It sounds like a joke but his expression is serious; he's sat back in the chair with his arms crossed, and he's not even wearing his jumpsuit. Kakashi never thought he could miss the neon green.“Okay,” Kakashi says, unsure how to take that. “That’s - reassuring.”[Kakashi forgets his dog. And a few other things. But mostly he forgets his dog].





	and/or again

**Author's Note:**

> Basing Kakashi's symptoms off of [transient global amnesia](https://www.msdmanuals.com/en-gb/home/brain,-spinal-cord,-and-nerve-disorders/brain-dysfunction/transient-global-amnesia). Take everything I've written about TGA here with a big handful of salt lmao.

Halfway through brushing his teeth that morning, Kakashi realises he can’t recall trudging into the bathroom. He blinks sleepily at the mirror above the sink; two eyes blink back, both brown and heavy with shadows. The edge of his pillow has left an indent in his cheek. He rubs at it with his thumb and notices a glint of silver on his hand: a ring. _Huh_ , says Kakashi’s brain, struggling to process it. He plops the toothbrush out of his mouth and accidentally flicks water across the mirror. His sleeves are too short to wipe it away, so he lifts up the edge of his shirt to use instead. Memory of the ring slips from his mind.

Gai isn’t in their bedroom, so Kakashi finishes making the bed and chucks on a robe. Before dating Gai, he used to do neither; he’d leave his bed-sheets in a lump and laze around the apartment in his pyjamas. But Gai insists on waking early and keeping tidy, and Kakashi is _forbidden_ from wearing next-to-nothing all day. A blanket, apparently, doesn’t count as “dressed”. Personally, Kakashi doesn’t think Gai knows how to be an adult properly - and Gai will probably say the same thing about him.

Kakashi’s feet carry him to the kitchen, where he can smell a pot of coffee brewing. Gai is reading a scroll at the table, but he looks up with a smile as Kakashi shuffles in. Breakfast is already laid out - although Kakashi hasn’t a clue concerning the time - and he lifts a hand in greeting, yawning as dramatically as a dog. He bypasses the food to pour himself a coffee, and lying on the floor by the counter is an unfamiliar sight: a puppy, brown and bronze with fur in tight, little curls, wiggling on its back and tail smacking the cupboards without end.

“Why hello,” Kakashi says, forgetting the coffee entirely. The cocker spaniel puppy pounces on him as soon as he crouches down; Kakashi laughs, letting it gnaw on his fingers, and fluffs up its head with his other hand. “Aren’t you adorable?”

“She joined me on my morning stroll,” Gai announces; _stroll_ where it used to be _run_ , before the war, before he almost tore his body apart. He’s adamant that he’ll run again and he probably will - the physiotherapists didn’t think he would walk, and every medic but Tsunade didn’t think he’d _survive_. But one of Gai’s greatest pleasures is proving people wrong, and Kakashi smiles as he tickles the puppy, glad to be wrong again and again and again.

“What’s your name, then?” Kakashi asks the spaniel, scratching behind its ears. “Are you one of mine?”

The puppy doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t expect it to. He can’t sense any chakra from within it, so it’s not one of his ninken. Which is a shame because it’s so _cute_ , and he knows every single member of his pack would agree.

“Of course she’s ours,” Gai says, and his confusion prompts Kakashi to look over. He’s smiling but there’s a befuddled draw of his eyebrows, as though there’s something nonsensical about Kakashi’s question. Kakashi thought the query was simple enough - if the dog’s not his, then they’ve stolen her from somewhere. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time he’s thought about _acquiring_ a dog, but it would be the first time he’s actually followed through. He can’t imagine Gai condoning blatant theft, however, which begs the question of how the dog is _theirs_ when Kakashi can’t remember buying her at all.

“Ah,” Kakashi says, beginning to say - _something_ , only to see that Gai’s not wearing his infamous green tracksuit right now. Gai does own outfits other than that spandex monstrosity, of course, but it’s odd for him to wear something else unless it’s a weekend or a special occasion. It may be a weekend - Kakashi has no idea. In fact, he also has no idea how he came to be crouched down on the kitchen floor - when did he wake up? - but since he hasn’t had a cup of coffee yet, he can only conclude that he must be very, _very_ tired. “Caffeine?”

Concern eases from Gai’s expression. “Come join me for breakfast; there’s coffee in the pot. I’ve fed Usagi already, so don’t give in to her whining, love.”

Kakashi blinks, unsure who this “Usagi” is until something nips at his fingers. He looks down to find a puppy rolling about at his feet, her golden belly all curly and full. He’s helpless but to smile at her. “Aren’t you adorable?” he says, fussing over her floppy ears. He can’t sense any chakra from within her, so she’s not one of his pack. That’s a shame. “You don’t feel like a ninken. Just a lap dog then, huh?”

“Hardly!” Gai laughs, offended on her behalf. “Unless you’ve been taking her to the office and spoiling her.”

“Have I?” Kakashi asks, depositing the dog onto Gai’s knees. He can’t recall ever dog-sitting Usagi before. He pours himself a cup of coffee and takes a seat at the table, peeking over to see what Gai’s reading. Gai takes the opportunity to kiss him and Kakashi almost slouches coffee over the scroll in surprise. “Ah - I haven’t brushed my teeth yet, sorry.”

“Tastes like you have,” Gai laughs, but he backs off as Kakashi covers his mouth. “I gather you didn’t make the bed then, either?”

“Uh -”

Usagi barks, which they both take as disapproval.

“I know, I know,” Kakashi says, reaching across the table to pat her head. He tries to mimic her puppy-dog eyes but hers are far superior. He used to leave his bed-sheets in a lump and laze around the apartment in his pyjamas, but dating Gai changed that. Kakashi doesn’t remember getting dressed this morning, but he is so at least he did one of two things right. “I’ll do it straight after breakfast, promise. No jumpsuit today?”

Gai pouts. “I _did_ lose our bet last night.”

That’s news to Kakashi. He wracks his brain for the events of the evening but draws a blank. The void in his memory is a bit startling, actually; were they _drinking_ last night? Kakashi hasn’t drunk himself into amnesia since he was a teenager; not only is it terrifying, it’s unprofessional, and he’s the _Hokage_ now. He likes to think they have enough sense between them not to let it happen, but now he’s not so sure. “Did you?”

Gai doesn’t seem hungover. A drunk Gai is a sleeps-like-the-dead Gai. “Don’t play dumb with me, Rival, we agreed on the terms and I will uphold them.” He tugs at the white cotton vest as though it offends him. “Even if I have to wear _this_.”

If anything, it’s _Kakashi_ who should feel offended. How dare his fiancé look so damn good in man’s most basic wardrobe piece. Gai always has been a sore loser though, so Kakashi can’t imagine him fabricating and _losing_ a bet. Which means they bet on something last night and Kakashi’s completely forgotten what.

Kakashi sips his coffee in the hope it’ll provide answers. Something on his hand chinks against the handle: a ring. It’s an unassuming silver and so polished that it gleams in the morning light. Kakashi sets down the mug to get a better look, and across the table, a cocker spaniel puppy leaps up from Gai’s lap and _dives_ for the coffee, springing over a scroll, trampling the plates, and knocking an entire bowl of rice down onto the floor.

“Wha - whoa!”

Kakashi lifts the mug above his head and the puppy skids across the empty space and into his stomach instead; _boof_ , goes its face into his shirt, and _oof_ goes Kakashi as he scoops the squirmy, little thing into the air. The puppy tries to wiggle free but he holds it firmly, coffee in one hand and dog in the other, and a hot but almost sluggish, almost confused sort of panic seeping into his chest.

“Gai,” he says, and his tone draws the attention of his fiancé, busy trying to sweep up all the rice. “ _Whose dog is this_?”

 

 

 

The dog doesn’t belong to Sakura, as Gai stresses, but the question prompts him to summon her to their house all the same. By the time she arrives, Kakashi’s quite forgotten that she’s coming at all, and he looks up over his still-warm cup of coffee as Gai and Sakura enter the front room.

“I don’t feel like I’ve hit my head,” Kakashi argues, ignoring the fact that he can’t recall getting out of bed and coming down to the living room. He must have bypassed the kitchen at some point, though, since he has coffee. His feet carry him automatically when he’s tired, which must be the reason he can’t remember, and he sips his drink and waits to wake up.

“Let me have a look anyway,” Sakura says, taking the seat next to him on the sofa. Green light envelopes her hands. Kakashi submits to the assessment because he knows better than to argue - and he doesn’t like the concern on Gai’s face anyway, as heartfelt as his happiness and love. He’s not sure what to say to reassure Gai though, so he tries for a smile which earns him a wobbly one in return.

“I’m not seeing any bruising,” Sakura says after a minute, her chakra swirling like a flame behind his head. “Are you feeling light-headed, Kakashi-sensei? Dizzy? Confused?”

“Mm, not sure,” Kakashi admits, and Sakura doesn’t bother masking her surprise. He can’t blame her - he’s never been particularly forthcoming about his health. But there’s a feeling of _wrongness_ stirring in his chest that he can’t quite explain, a hot but almost sluggish panic kindling inside. A quick spark of chakra and bite of his lips dispels the influence of genjutsu. Ninjutsu is still a possibility, but a slim one. As the Hokage, he is always under guard. Unless someone has stuck past an entire village, the ANBU, Gai, _and_ himself, then ninjutsu seems unlikely. That doesn’t leave many options. “Did I pass out or something?”

Sakura shakes her head. “Not according to Gai-sensei. He says you’re having trouble remembering Usagi’s name?”

“Who’s Usagi?”

“What?” There’s no hiding the worry on Sakura’s face now. The light of her medical jutsu flickers and fades. She considers him for a moment, watching him - they both do, both her and Gai - and just as Kakashi starts to feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny, he wakes up in the living room, sitting up on his couch, and Sakura all but _appears_ in front of him, med-kit at her side and mouth pressed closed in concern.

 _Huh_ , says Kakashi’s brain. “Huh,” says Kakashi, noticing Gai, too, in the armchair just off to the right. There’s a _puppy_ in his lap, brown and bronze with fur in tight, little curls. “Sakura - when did you get here?”

Her reply is slow and careful. “About ten minutes ago, sensei. Gai-sensei thinks you may have hit your head and I think he’s right.”

“Really?” Kakashi doesn’t _feel_ like he’s hit his head, but he can’t remember sitting down on the sofa either. “Did I pass out or something? Are you sure I don’t just need coffee? I haven’t had my morning cup yet.”

It’s meant to be a joke, but Gai and Sakura just glance at each other. _Yikes_ , Kakashi thinks: that doesn’t bode well for anyone. He glances over at Gai too, noticing almost immediately that Gai isn’t wearing his typical green jumpsuit. The cotton vest is a surprise - but Kakashi can’t deny that he likes it. Anything’s better than that jumpsuit. It must be the weekend - since Gai forgoes his beloved spandex for little else - except Kakashi has no idea.

“What day is it?”

“Tuesday,” Sakura says.

 _Huh_. “And Shizune isn’t knocking down my door?”

That’s meant to be a joke, too, but Gai’s wince is _audible_. “She’s not on-duty for a few days,” Gai says - and that’s odd; almost as odd as the puppy, and almost as odd as the silver chain catching the light from around Gai’s neck. The chain disappears under his vest and Kakashi’s eyes follow it down. Gai hasn't worn his dog-tags for _years_. “And neither are you, Rival.”

Kakashi’s eyes snap back up. “Why? Did someone die or something?” Judging by Gai’s expression, someone might have. He hastens to correct himself, sloshing a cup of coffee he doesn’t remember holding all over his knees. “Ah - what - I mean -”

“Sensei,” Sakura says, and _oh dear_ that’s her medic voice. She hands over a few paper towels from her med-pack and then rests her hand in a dry spot on Kakashi’s knee. That’s a bad sign. “Try not to panic, okay, but you seem to be experiencing some degree of memory loss. If you think back, can you tell me what the last big event you remember is - something important?”

The paper towels aren’t helping much. Kakashi keeps trying. “Ah. The conference at Kumo?”

“When was that?”

“Well, I want to say _a few days ago_ , but now I’m not so sure.”

“What about something in the village?” Sakura presses, squeezing his knee a little.

Kakashi’s mind lists through all of the major political events in Konoha that occurred about the same time as the Kumo conference. He’s been busy overturning the village since the Fourth Shinobi War. Almost a year has passed and there’s still so much to be done. And yet, the most _recent_ event must be - “We got engaged?” he tries, looking at Gai for help.

This seems to be the wrong thing to say.

“Kakashi,” Gai breathes, and his eyes are wet, his _voice_ is wet. “We got _married_. Don’t you remember? It was wonderful. Naruto was your best man. Mirai dropped cake all over your suit. The Inuzuka clan gifted us a puppy and we were both a bit drunk and couldn’t stop crying.”

“Oh,” says Kakashi, because that _does_ sound wonderful. If his voice wobbles a bit, then neither Gai nor Sakura will tell a soul. “What’s her name?”

“It’s Usagi.”

“Usagi,” Kakashi repeats, assuming they were drunk when they named her. He stares at the puppy for a long moment, and then startles away from the green light near his face, recognising Sakura and her medical jutsu only after he lurches back. “Oh - Sakura. What are you doing here?”

“Okay,” Sakura says, which is a reply to _neither_ of those things. “Okay. We’re going to the hospital.”

  

 

 

Kakashi’s memory of heading to the hospital is completely non-existent, but he wakes up there, which is never a good sign. Someone has changed him into one of those ridiculous gowns, which suggests he’s either going to be here for a while or he already has been, and though he can’t remember what brought him here, he doesn’t feel like the victim of an attempted assassination on the Hokage. There aren’t any more guards at his door than usual, either. He says as much to Gai, sitting at his bedside, and the fact that Gai doesn’t smile is _telling_.

“Uh oh,” Kakashi says before he can stop himself. “Am I dying?”

Thirty years old and he's about to kneel over. That's a year younger than his father - is that an achievement? It's ten more years than he ever expected to live.

“Every few minutes, you forget everything,” Gai says. It sounds like a joke but his expression is serious; he's sat back in the chair with his arms crossed, and he's not even wearing his _jumpsuit_. The vest is nice - it's really nice - but the lack of normality is jarring. Kakashi never thought he could miss the neon green.

“Okay,” Kakashi says, unsure how to take that. “That’s - reassuring.”

It’s not. There’s nothing reassuring about the deep set worry on Gai’s face, as though he’s been wearing it for so long that it’s stuck there now - and who knows (Kakashi certainly doesn’t), maybe he has.

“Is it temporary?”

“The medics think so. You’ve been like this for a few hours.”

“That’s not very long.”

This seems to be the wrong thing to say.

“Kakashi, it is an _eternity_ ,” Gai says, and his eyes are wet, his _voice_ is wet. Kakashi's breath catches. Gai unfolds his arms and leans forward; their hands find each other, seeking and giving reassurance, and Gai squeezes Kakashi's fingers as he kisses the back of his hand.

“It could be worse,” Kakashi tries. He knows what worse feels like; it's half-blind, half-dead, half-mad with grief, and watching Gai burn up in flames again.

Gai sighs. He’s holding Kakashi’s hand so close to his mouth that Kakashi feels the warm breath over his knuckles. “I know. You’ve said that a few times.”

“Well, it clearly bears repeating,” Kakashi says, and he laughs at the absurdity of it all. A mind that resets itself every few minutes is something he simply just _can't_ comprehend - he's a genius, he's the _Hokage_ , and apparently he can't keep himself together for even a conversation at a time, and Gai looks like he’s been slapped.

“This isn't something to joke about.”

Gai’s probably right, but - “I mean, it kinda is.”

“ _Kakashi_.”

“Well, I’m not going to remember any of this, am I? Anything could happen. I'm surprised Naruto hasn't tried pulling a prank yet.” He’s surprised he’s still wearing his mask, honestly. The fact that Naruto _still_ hasn’t seen his face only becomes more ridiculous with time. “Wait - has he?”

“No, he has not,” Gai replies, his eyes big and doleful, and his expression tinged with hurt. “If you think I would truly allow someone to take advantage of you while you're like this -”

“Gai, relax, I know you wouldn't. I'm just - I'm just trying to lighten the mood.” And doing a terrible job at it, as usual. On the plus side, he’s apparently going to forget this whole conversation ever happened in a few minutes, and if his smile’s a little forced, then maybe neither of them will know. “What did the medics have to -?”

Kakashi startles, hand pulling from Gai’s. He’s in the hospital - but why? Late morning light bleaches the walls of the ward, and the sheets over his lap are white and creased. At the window, the blinds are wonky and one of the strings hangs down far lower than the other. Kakashi scans the room for his ANBU guard, lifting his hands to dispel a genjutsu even though he recognises the chakra signatures hidden in the walls. A quick spark of chakra fails to reveal anything, and Gai catches his hands before he can nick them with his teeth.

“You’re safe, love,” Gai says. “Let me explain.” He closes Kakashi’s hands between his own, and the glint of silver beneath the hot, hospital lights draws Kakashi’s gaze down. Then Gai’s hands cover Kakashi’s, hiding it from sight.

Kakashi continues to stare. “Something’s wrong with me, isn’t it.” It’s not a question. A hot but almost sluggish, almost confused sort of panic swirls like a fire inside of his chest. Waking up in the hospital is never a good sign - and he has no idea why he’s here.

“You’re having memory problems,” Gai says. “We don’t know the cause.”

“Okay,” Kakashi says, trying to think back to the morning and drawing a blank. He’s not sure how to feel about that and his mind simply _huhs_. If nothing else, Gai’s presence is comforting, and Kakashi shoves down the panic to try for a joke: “All right. Wedding’s off then, I take it?”

“Definitely not,” Gai says, and he kisses the ring on Kakashi’s hand.

 

 

 

Halfway through Sakura’s explanation (memory loss, _really_?) Kakashi is struck by a terrible thought.

“Who’s looking after Usagi?”

The pen Sakura is twirling flies out of her hand. Kakashi watches it clatter past the bedside drawers and roll towards the door, but he’s the only one paying it any mind. One of the ANBU stationed in the entrance flickers down and slides it back into Sakura’s grasp, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

“What was that?” she asks, her face slack with shock. Gai mirrors her expression in the chair beside her, and together they’re ridiculous enough to make Kakashi smile.

“You know,” Kakashi says, picturing Usagi’s curly little face and whoever has the (mis)fortune of dog-sitting her. It’s a shame she’s not here in the hospital with him, but puppies aren’t exactly the most health and safety conscious animals around. “About yay big. Adorable. Been tearing up our cushions for about a week? What?”

“You - remember her?” Sakura asks. Judging by her expression, this is something Kakashi's been having trouble with for a while.

“Ah.” Kakashi scratches his cheek. Maybe this has something to do with the _memory loss thing_. “Am I not supposed to?”

“No!” Sakura cries, which seems at odds with Gai all but launching himself across the hospital bed to sweep Kakashi into a hug. Kakashi _oofs_ , but he accepts the headbutt as a vital part of Gai’s affection. “I mean, yes! Yes, that’s great. We were - Gai-sensei, _please_ try not to give us a reason to make Kakashi-sensei stay any longer.”

Gai nods furiously; his chin knocks against Kakashi’s crown. “Forgive me!” he cries, and Kakashi’s chest tightens at Gai’s watery voice. Few things in the world unsettle him as much as Gai’s tears. “I am simply overcome with relief! You have been unable to recall Usagi’s identity all morning.”

“I - what?” Gai’s hug is tight enough that Kakashi’s ribs creak, but he doesn’t complain. He’s never been any good at offering reassurance - Gai’s the one with the speeches and the _feelings_ \- so he settles for rubbing Gai’s side, just out of Sakura’s sight. “I’m not really following but... if I’m free to go…?”

Sakura sighs, but it’s one of relief. She scribbles something down in her chart, apparently still oblivious to her pen’s brief adventure across the room. “Let’s just run through an assessment, but then yes, if the amnesia's worn off then you should be free to go. For now, at least.”

She starts listing through the protocol for out-patient assessments and follow-ups, but Kakashi only half listens. His fingers find the shorter hair at the back of Gai’s neck and start to muss it out of shape. Gai presses his cheek into Kakashi’s ever-present bed-head hair and startles to babble something which Sakura _definitely_ doesn’t need to hear.

“Hey,” Kakashi mutters, drumming his fingers into Gai’s neck in warning. There’s only so much humiliation he can take in front of his students, and their wedding last week filled his quota for the _year_. “So who _is_ looking after Usagi? Please don’t tell me it’s Naruto…”

Gai pulls away, but only far enough to give Kakashi a good look at his puffy, red eyes. Sakura is kind enough not to comment, but Kakashi feels like he's just been slapped.

“I left her in Ningame’s care.”

Anybody in the village would be a better choice than a tortoise. Kakashi can't help but smile though, entertained by the ridiculousness of the idea. Poor Ningame's going to be _dizzy_ by the end of the afternoon. “Is this payback for the vest?”

“Absolutely not,” Gai says, but Kakashi plucking at the vest seems to change his mind. He wilts; his heart too big to lie. “Well, I. Perhaps a little. But Ningame will prove to be a fine dog-sitter! And I - panicked, this morning. Do you not remember...?"

Kakashi shakes his head. As far as he's concerned, he woke up fifteen minutes ago in this hospital bed, but now he knows that not to be true. He wonders what ridiculous things he said and got up to while his mind was resetting, and he grimaces at the thought.

Gai squeezes him tight. "That's probably for the best, love," he says, and all Kakashi can do is agree.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Written for the [badthingshappenbingo](https://badthingshappenbingo.tumblr.com/). Prompt was "memory loss." Just wanted to try writing something a bit different but of course it's still kakagai lol


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